Sunday, 17 August 2008

il be more interesting....

im fully aware that a day by day account of my life, including references to people that some of you wont know, is not the most interesting of subjects so ive delved deeper into my mind and might actually talk some shit about something meaningful, a thing i did far to much of over most of my life and have postponed since life got good.

actually,its this transition of quality of life im going to talk about.
art school pretty much allowed me to live the life ive wanted to throughout my entire teenage life to be perfectly honest.
im going to be honest, most of my teenagehood has been mediocre, and i spent a large portion of it regretting that im not making the most of life. i wouldnt go as far to say i didnt enjoy life, because thats not fair on my friends. i have made some incredible friends who i will go on to stay friends with for as long as i can, and had some amazing amazing times with them. i also got to travel the world a fair bit through my own travelling of America last summer and family holidays to India and Australia, memories that will stay with me for ever. I also got really involved in music and saw more bands and more venues than i care to remember. i watched the music scene i followed fall apart because no one went to see the bands anymore and no one had any money, but whilst it was falling apart are got to witness some of the most intimate and meaningful gigs ive ever seen. I also got to see some bands, who have now gone on to bigger and better things, in tiny venues, such as Against Me! and Rise Against(who played the best gig i have ever been to in my life, souly for swing life away live).
the qwarm i have with these years is as i said, i didnt feel i was making the most out of life. i had effectivly zero confidence, i spent far too long persuing a girl interest that was always going to go no where, a situation that just got me down in the dumps pretty much constantly. all i seemed to get was a drunk kiss from girls and little more, well the girls i was properly intested in, but i did that old trick of settling for the ones that didnt fill the full brief. i wasted a shit load of time on the internet, and didnt enjoy sixth form, but did pretty well in exams which was a bonus. school was odd, i had like 7 really close friends and didnt really get on with the rest of them, i always felt like a bit of an outcast somewhat because i wasnt interested in drinking beer and playing on a fruit machine all night and spending all day in a bookie's , then shagging some dirty little tramp to round it off. i just didnt have 'lad' credentials, which most of this town try and gain.
then throughout the process of this year of foundation at UCCA things just took off, and i find myself currently in a situation where im happy with every aspect of life and am trying not to think about leaving the people i have grown to adore over the last year.
a large factor of this year was a girlfriend(a fashion student) i had who pestered me to be more interested in my appearance that just shit jeans and a band tshirt, until i gave in a actually developed an interest in fashion. its suprising how much changes with your appearance to be honest, especially peoples view of you.
so that opened me a lot of doors. i became really solid friends with wicked people, most of whom are pretty much the best people in my life, and am still meeting amazing people pretty much week in week out.
not to sound gay, but i feel i dont feel outcast this year at all, i dont feel i dont fit in with a dickhead 'lad' group but instead i feel ive met my equals on many levels and i just feel so accepted and appreciated. talking to people about things and then realising they are thinking exactly the same as you or have exactly the same views is unbelievable. and talking for hours without a single awkward silence was unheard of with my people i knew before this year. i just cant express how satisfied i feel with myself and life at the moment and its pretty much thanks to this year and the people i have met.

i think thats it in a nutshell, however gay it did sound. i feel like this year has been one big episode of 'beauty and the geek' if you get what i mean.

heres to life....

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